Jack Handy, an American writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003 once said: “A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.  Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone.  “Hear that?” You say.  “That’s dynamite, baby.””

That might actually work if you could, in fact, get the phone call to actually go through.  This brings me to the thread of this blog – Phone Calling 101 – a course that should be offered throughout Mexico for those of us who seem unable to consummate a phone call….of any kind.

David has several friends who meet each day in the town square at 10:00 a.m. for coffee and conversation.  He asked, at one of these get-togethers, how does one dial any number and actually get the person to whom they wish to speak?

Without being too loquacious I will try to synopsize some of the answers he received.

If someone gives you a phone number, you dial it.  Pretty upfront and one would think easy to follow.  (My suggestion, don’t think…just dial.)

If, after dialing you don’t reach the party you intended to reach, or anyone at all for that matter, place a “33” prior to the number.  By placing a “33” prior to the number you are calling a Guadalajara number.  (Makes sense.)

If after prefacing your number with a “33’ you still don’t reach the party you intended to reach (now I feel like I’m doing a Lilly Tomlin “Ernestine the Telephone Operator” act), it is probably a cell phone number.  You ask, quite reasonably, if it’s a cell number, why don’t they say so?  This query usually simply gets a look like – well, if it isn’t one then it’s the other. (I can accept that.)

Okay so if it’s a cell number you place a “045” and then a “33” prior to the number.  (Please folks, if I’ve got this all wrong, bear with me.)

By way of further information they also explained Mexico City and Guadalajara have 2 digit area codes followed by an 8 digit number.  All the rest of Mexico has 3 digit area codes followed by a 7 digit number.  Yes, for those of you who are counting, both equal 10 digits and, if you are like me, your head is spinning and the word “duh” is coming up frequently as both a noun and a verb.

To add to all of the above information we have two phones.  You’ve got that right folks, a US phone and a Mexican phone.  No, they do not translate (Spanish to English or visa versa).  We’ve found it unnecessary for them to translate as we never get through on the Mexican phone anyway.

Another problem for us is we are used to phone numbers in the states (that’s reasonable given we both have lived there most of our lives)…a number such as  414.214.4444 tells us instantly the phone number is a Wisconsin number and, if we happen to be out of Wisconsin (we are way out of Wisconsin now!), we will need to dial a “1” prior to that number.  When you are given a Mexican number it can look like, for example, 765 5249 y 50 or 763 2330.  Looks pretty simple up front, doesn’t it?  Don’t let that fool you.  By the time you are through you will be puzzled, perplexed, mystified, baffled, bewildered, befuddled, your dialing digit will ache… well you get my drift.

The series of pictures accompanying this blog are of the various phones we have in our house.  The phones are labeled both in the pictures below and at home (don’t go there it’s the only way we can remember which phone number goes with which phone).  These are followed by several pictures of David in the act of using said phones (and I “use” that term lightly).  The last picture is of the only “person” in our house who has been able to do anything with the Mexican phone besides grip it firmly and pray for some type of connection and a friendly voice on the other end! One good thing, neither of us will be threatening anyone soon as neither of us has received our certificate of graduation in Phone Calling “101″.  Viva La Mexico!

Phones at Rest

US Phone, Diabolically Simple in Appearance

Mexican Phone - Glibly Facile in Appearance

David – Remaining Calm Under Pressure

David – Audacious in Spirit

Senior Parrot in Charge

Arch_Trees_from Porch

Grace and Beauty

A quote from “Northern Exposure, Three Doctors, 1993 by Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider.  “Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don’t necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk”.

David took the two pictures accompanying this post yesterday morning as we sat on our porch eating our lunch…or was it breakfast…whatever and enjoying a little down time.

Down time, you ask, I am sure.  Yes, oddly the days are going by rather quickly here….at least so since our furniture/belongings arrived and we’ve begun the nesting process.

I’m sure everyone is aware of the phrase “multiple personalities” also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder.  My generation will naturally gravitate to “Sybil” a TV movie about Shirley Ardell Mason.  The movie came out in 1976 with the character Sybil being played by Sally Fields.  It was excellently done and portrayed Shirley’s battle with 16 different personalities – diagnosed by Dr. Cornelia Wilber.  Long story short, after 11 years of therapy Dr. Wilber and Ms. Mason were able to combine all of these personalities into one complete self and Shirley seemed content and well adjusted.  She went on to teach art and was a prolific painter until her death in 1998.

My area of study, so you’ll have to bear with me as I try to get to my point, although I seem to have misplaced it at the moment.  Which, in essence is my point.

We love the beautiful lush green plants (even out of season they are lush). While some of the mountains have lost their color, they are still beautiful, rolling, immense and enchanting.  The mornings are sunny and, though the nights may be cool at between 40 and 50 degrees, the days usually are in the high 70’s to 80’s.  Nothing to complain about, right?  After all, my family in Wisconsin is suffering through it’s first major snow storm with temperatures in the teens and wind chills at 17 degrees below zero and David’s family, in Texas, have had lows and highs pretty close together in the 30’s and 40’s.

One minute we are enjoying all the beauty that Mexico has to offer, and the next we are trying to remember exactly what needs to be accomplished today, what can be put off until tomorrow and what may never happen or, for that matter, does anything “need” to be done at all?

We’ve tried the Jimmy Buffet approach – which works rather well for a while…find a comfy beach chair, sit down, drink and do nothing.

We’ve tried the intrepid traveler stance – let’s walk the area and get to know our surroundings.  This too works except that after a while wobbling over cobblestones – no matter how great the exercise is – can put one’s muscles – some we never knew we had – into a uproar.

We’ve jumped in the car and headed into the manic traffic patterns of which David is becoming quite comfortable – good/bad – we’re still unsure.  The gleam in his eye could mean he’s enjoying himself or something completely diabolically sacry…I’m not so sure what.  And the remnants of city life kick in – we must stop at the farmicia (pharmacy), the Super Lake (large gringo grocery store), Mailboxes Etc. store (speaks for itself), the ferreteria (hardware store) and on and on.  Until we realize we are launching ourselves into a frenzy of “must dos” like we were back in the states.

My point, we are gradually trying to contain our many personalities into a single, easy-going, it-will-get-done-when-it-gets-done attitude and it is not going quite as easily as we expected.  Good grief, I hope it doesn’t take us 11 years to accomplish.

Right now I’m thinking I really should sweep the house.  I’d like to sit down and read.  I’d like to get our shared office/studio finished so that we can use it as the view from the mirror door is amazing.  We should pick up the laundry.

See what I mean, the insanity of “life” with all its “could do”, “should do”, “must do” phrases preface each thought – not that I’ve ever been accused of thinking too heavily.  For now, I think I’ll make this post and move onto the porch with my latest J.D.Robb novel and try to put at bay any of my personalities that think otherwise…or maybe I really should pick up the milk?!

“Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision, and gives us the “right stuff” to turn our dreams into reality.”  James Womack is an American biologist and a professor at Texas A&M University

Doors play an important part in our lives.  As such, there are all types of doors one that comes to mind is the door that Alice in Wonderland opened and she found a small passage, not much larger then a rat-hole which led her on a number of great adventures.

Then there’s the “Green Door” a popular song composed by Bob Davie with lyrics written by Marvin Moore.  The song describes a nondescript establishment with a green door.  Behind the door is a happy crowd with playing piano, smoke and lots of laughter and inside which the singer is not allowed.

I’ve stumbled through doors.  I’ve stumbled upon doors.  I’ve run head long into doors.  I’ve forgotten my keys to open doors.  I’ve wondered how a door got there or where the heck a door went!  I’ve looked longingly at doors I wished I could have opened and others I wished I’d kept shut.  I’ve been sent to my room and told to shut the door and think about what I’ve said or done, and the list goes on.

My guess is, given the question “what do you think about doors?”, people would come up with all sorts of answers – some humorous, some sad, some naughty, some nice, some interesting, etc.

Mexico and, in particular, our focus on Ajijic and Chapala, have so many beautiful, curious, thought provoking and simply unique doors David decided to take pictures of each one he saw during our travels throughout the region.  These doors have provided us with hours of thought, miles of smiles, invoked conversations on just who might have come up with the artistry for these doors and how very unique and beautiful they can make any establishment seem – when first stumbled upon by an intrepid traveler!

Colors Bright and Cheerful

Color and Character

The Studio

Unique

Gentle Colors

A View from the Top

What is behind this door?

Scenic Street View

Hello? May I come in?

Okay, so it's a window. How many of us have exited or entered through a window in our life time?!

We are still working through our attempts at slaughtering the beautiful Mexican language.  I know there is something called “pig Latin” out there and I’m thinking of naming our interpretation of the Mexican language as “Mixed Mexican”.  My guess is, however, it won’t catch on judging by the expressions on the faces of people trying desperately to understand what we are yammering about!!  Moving ever forward, one night several weeks ago David and I decided we would visit the festivities – before they ended – in Ajijic’s town square.

We ran into our usual assortment of neighborhood dogs on our way to the square.  The question has been raised, at least in my mind; do animals speak the language of the region in which they live?  Dogs bark in what I consider English as do cats meow and, yet, they also embrace a unilateral language which responds to kindness, nurturing and the occasional dog biscuit (which I’ve taken to carrying every time I go for a walk since I see so many dogs in my travels).

I am an “animal person” meaning I love most furry critters – I do take exception to some but that isn’t something I’d think would be necessary to go into here.  I am trying to get used to the “universal” way dogs wonder through the streets of Ajijic as David has assured me they all have homes.  I’m not sure I’m “down” with that hence the carting of dog biscuits where ever I go.

I digress, so we set out on our journey to enjoy the festival one last time.  The lights, as always were amazing.  The activities fun and the people all were having a great time.  As we traveled up one street and down the next we came upon vendor after vendor of interesting jewelry, toys, kitchenware, home décor, fanciful desserts, lots of fruits, beautiful flowers and the list goes on.

The pictures that follow are some David took on that evening.  He was, as he usually does, able to catch the color and beauty of the evening – so much so that I know you are going to enjoy these pictures as the tell the story of Ajijic’s St. Andrew’s Festival.

Entrance to Town Square

Libations at the Ready

Welcoming Smiles

You Name It, You'll Find It

Music

Song

Rides

Set Up

DVDs

Jewelry

Bracelets

Everyone Having Fun

The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.  ~Erma Bombeck – American Humorist

No where have I seen more togetherness, family spirit, and family happiness then in Mexico.  Now, we haven’t been here that long and have not been invited into any of the homes of our neighbors or the few friends we have made in the past month – so our observations are purely based on what we’ve seen throughout any given day here in Ajijic.

Parents waiting, as parents do, to pick up or drop off children at school each day.  Women and men walking with a tight arm around an elderly parent.  Moms, dads, brothers and sisters holding the hand of a younger child who might trip or dash into the street without warning.  Each evening, when we return home, we’ve seen families heading toward the town square – to simply sit and talk, laugh, eat some special treats being sold from homemade kiosks or grilled on barrel grills, or simply watch the kids run and jump around the square.

One Saturday evening, not to long ago, we overhead what sounded like a party right on our doorstep.  With the large gates that are in place at the beginning of our property – we often hear but miss seeing what is going on.  It was later in the evening but David decided to grab his camera and head out to see what he might be able to catch on film.

The pictures that follow this post are those he took at this special gathering.  We had been told when we moved here the people who had rented our home to us were very special.  They are a large family and live right next door.  Trust me when I say, neither of us are quite sure how they are all linked together, but they are and each and every one of them is gracious, smiling, accommodating and a pleasure to talk with and get to know.

We found out, after we had settled in that one of the brothers, the one who was getting our place ready for us, had been rushed to the hospital with Dengue Fever.  Dengue Fever is a flu-like illness generally spread by mosquitoes and found heavily in the tropics.  It can be extremely vicious, results in hospital stays as was the case of our neighbor and surgery to stop the illness from spreading.  It is not something to be overly concerned about, for those planning on visiting us.  If a mosquito bites you and you disinfect it immediately – there is no problem.  However, this young man was working and didn’t notice it until it was too late.

He is home now and doing much better but that evening several weeks ago was in response to the family being told he would need an operation.  The neighborhood pulled together immediately – and the party began.  It was a fund raiser for the family.  Everyone attended and from our pictures and the music and happiness it produced – we know it was a huge success.

You will see a large brown gate in many of the pictures.  It is the gate to our residence and, as you will notice, the band was set up right in front of it.  Consequently, we were able to enjoy the music, great smells and much laughter into the evening.  You’ll also have an opportunity to get a closer look at the cobblestone streets that are a part of small town life here.  For those planning on visiting, a good pair of walking shoes, tennis shoes, etc. will be important.

Every adventure in our new home in Aijic and the surrounding area brings a new dawning of knowledge for both of us and the ability to share this with our family and friends keeps us connected to those who remain ever so important in our lives – today and always.

Ticket Booth - Just Like in the States

The Menu

Making Change

Hot Food

Wonderful Choices with Lots of Smiles

More Choices

Places to Sit and Chat

All Having a Good Time

Neighbors, Family and Friends

Tuning Up

Let the Music Begin

A Great Time for A Great Cause

A Face of the Evening

Dave Barry (American Writer and Humorist) says: “Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages!”

David does a fine job of “trying” to communicate with our wonderful Mexican neighbors, shop owners, wait staff, etc and everyone else here…I’m not doing as well.

That being said, last evening, after a trip to Home Depot and Sam’s in Guadalajara, we began sharing our thoughts on our lovely journey.   Laugher is good for the heart and soul!

The journey was, in fact, very nice since we took a different route in and found both places fairly easily.  I think it was a combination of easier and less traveled roads and the fact that David has learned to drive like a seasoned maniac (no offense to the Mexican people as you rarely see accidents and EVERYONE ELSE seems to drive the same way – fast and furious).  The countryside with its high mountains shrouded in clouds and beautiful valleys a-glisten in the afternoon sunshine permeated our travel.  Small villages with the ever prominent and always simple and beautiful church steeples dotted the countryside.  Vast fields of green, copper, burnt orange and flowers of red, deep purple, pink, white stretched for miles in either direction.

There are times, when traveling through the country side; I expect to see Zorro come flying toward us on his trusty steed, black cape flying in the breeze and eyes covered by the ever-present mask.  You do see caballeros (charro or cowboys) on horseback often – in town or in the country – thank goodness none of whom are wearing masks or that would lead me into an entirely different story.

Before we moved to Mexico our dear friends, Linda and Charlie, gave us some much needed advise in regard to what phrases one needs to know – like “where’s the bathroom” and “how much is that” which they translated into Mexican for us and I promptly forgot.  Another friend, Ruth, gave us “good morning”, “good afternoon”, “good day”, “good evening” which I always get wrong and I suspect everyone simply thinks I don’t have a clue as to the time of day.

The longer we are here, however, the more we enjoy the simple act of shopping for our needs and finding out how kind, considerate (most people we meet don’t laugh out loud at our shattering of their mother tongue) some just simply smile and answer us in the correct “turn of phrase”.

That leads me to our humorous conversation last evening.  David mentioned while watching a re-play of a football game on TV the other day the announcer said, in his deepest professional voice, the Super Bowl would be held at ‘Estadio Land Shark en Miami’ (Dolphin’s Stadium in Miami) this year.  David had to wonder if someone had been watching old Saturday Night Live shows when they wrote the ad.  Then there was the movie we started watching where they didn’t even try to change the title because even “they” couldn’t figure out what to call it in Mexican “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”, or “Time Cop” which came out ‘El Policio de Futuro” which we figure meant “Policeman of the Future”.  Well, you get my drift – we are extremely apologetic about slaughtering the Mexican language and will keep trying…I think, although after seeing David try to explain our need to the person at Home Depot in Guadalajara, I may re-think that statement.

We are trying to hook up our washer and dryer.  The washer requires the necessary hoses for the hot and cold water.  David was looking for the couplings needed to make this happen. When the young man he asked to help us did not seem to understand what he was saying he launched into hand gestures.  Hand gestures don’t work when trying to explain the “female” and “male” connector parts.  The guy kept sneaking peaks at me and shaking his head….I guess you had to be there.  My solution, before even speaking (something I try to do rarely) I will simply find the Mexican translation to preface anything I say with: “excuse me, I’m from a different planet” giving them good reason to question my sanity.

We are both wondering how “Mother Jugs and Speed” would translate from Mexican to English.

Below are some beautiful pictures David took of our journey from Ajijic to Home Depot in Guadalajara.

I’ve added the last picture – he did take it on the trip back – just because we both got a kick out of it!

The Village Ahead

A Beautiful Valley

Expanse Caught on Camera

The Road Ahead

Santa in a Jam

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion.  He hardly knows which is which.  He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.”  James A. Michener

David is a commercial photographer.  He says I am prejudice, but reality speaks for itself.  Most all of the pictures contained in our blog site are David’s.  He has an eye for interesting and beautiful things.  He can make the mundane seem fascinating. He will barrel right in, when there is a picture to be taken, and take it.

He has the ability to make people smile radiantly.  He draws people out with his sense of humor and makes them relax – even the mega stars and public figures he’s photographed become more human and more likable.

Some of the most difficult shots I’ve seen him take – buildings without much merit, roof tops for people who sell roofing – turn out amazingly compelling.

He does not have a sense of how talented he is – others do.

In the next few posts I’m going to take you on a journey letting you get too know our little hamlet.  David has joined the crowds who are celebrating the patron Saint of Ajijic – St. Andrew – and taken the most wonderful photographs.

However, before that happens, I wanted to share a little of David’s sense of humor with you.  He is, as the quote above says, “the master in the art of making little distinction between work and play” and you will rarely see him without his camera…except in these shots which I took in our backyard.

David Getting Ready to Jump

Mid-Jump

Touch Down

After Jump

Fortunately, Les noticed him on the roof before he could make his pitch for liability insurance, presumably by falling off of it.

OK–you don’t need to tell me this isn’t a gecko. I can tell the difference between ordinary lizards and geckos. Geckos wear glasses.

A local insurance agent

We don’t have our TV down here yet, as Les may have mentioned, so I’m really having Cowboys withdrawal. True, I fled the States in 1972 because they were doing so badly and I just couldn’t take it any more. But now in the 21st Century, I really need my weekly fix. Summer is especially unbearable. Baseball? Really now.

NFL games may be on TV here from time to time – I don’t know. Maybe they’re even on weekly, but the chances that each week the ‘pokes will be on seems rather slim. I had hoped we’d get streaming video of the ‘boys games, but we don’t, because of ‘licensing problems.’ (Same problem with Hulu, or USA channel, or any of the other networks that stream video in the states.) But there is a solution!!!!!  The NFL – never ones to miss out on a chance to make a buck – offers streaming radio of the games! So, for a small fee, I can listen to any of the games on my computer, just like I used to listen to them on the radio when they hadn’t sold out. Kind of fun and reminiscent of my youth, actually. But still not like watching Tony Romo throw a 60 yard pass and hit Miles Austin in stride.