Viva La Difference
May 19th, 2011 by Les

Dave Barry, American writer and humorist, has said:  “The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there is a man on base.”

“No one will ever win the battle of the sexes.  There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy!”  Henry Kissinger, American political scientist.

Let’s say a guy named Joe is attracted to a woman named Katrina. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Katrina, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Katrina, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Joe is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Katrina is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Joe is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Katrina is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Joe is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Katrina is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Joe is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…scum balls.

And Katrina is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Joe is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…

“Joe,” Katrina says aloud.

“What?” says Joe, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…oh dear, I feel so…”(She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Joe.

“I’m such a fool,” Katrina sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Joe.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Katrina says.

“No!” says Joe, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” Katrina says. (There is a 15-second pause while Joe, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says. (Katrina, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

“Oh, Joe, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Joe.

“That way about time,” says Katrina.

“Oh,” says Joe. “Yes.” (Katrina turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Joe,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Joe.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Joe gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

The next day Katrina will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Joe, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Katrina’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Katrina ever own a horse?”

And that’s the difference between men and women.

The other day, while endlessly sweeping outside our gate, our new neighbor, Roberto, stopped to chat.  He explained he and his wife had just moved into their new home.  It was a lot of work and, while there were still a few things that needed doing, he was looking forward to relaxing and kicking back for a while.  I asked: “how is your wife doing?”  To which he said, with this confused and puzzled look on his face, I think she is doing okay but I’m not sure.  Oh?  My response to his thoughts.  To which he replied we’ve been married over 25 years and I’m still not sure what my next move should be, that is why I am out walking so early in the morning.

Viva the Difference. It simply doesn’t matter where you live, it is universal!  Viva Mexico!

David visited the Ajijic malecon early one morning.  Below are some of the photographs he took.  Enjoy:

Lake Chapala

A Boat on Lake Chapala

Boats on the Lake

Mountains in the Distance

I love this shot.

Boats on the Malecon

Quiet Beauty

I love the look of this photograph!

6 Responses  
  • Katy writes:
    May 25th, 20117:19 pmat

    Hello, I love to read your posts, and I am sorry not always have time to comment but I trully enjoy to read you and love the gentle souls you have, you are such a lovely family and is enchanting the way you see life; lol, this posts really made my day because I experienced a “little” difference of point of view with a friend and later we found out it was nothing to disscuss at all!! Finally we found out we were talking about something different and agreed in a wise solution, and yessssssssssss Viva la diferencia!!!! ahahahah by the way my friend in nigerian, so the issue persists no mstter where. Luv u

  • Mark writes:
    May 22nd, 201110:04 amat

    Katrina was the name of a very nasty hurricane, I think…so I’m just gonna leave this one alone…however I did enjoy the “she’s thinking, he’s thinking” part and it was delightful…as usual you have captured me again…dear friend…David’s pics are marvelous…perhaps you two could take a trip around the lake and do lake shots…

  • Larry Clifton writes:
    May 21st, 20119:20 pmat

    Loved your this e-mail today that fits the subject to a tee:
    This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

    A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

    The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

    He replied, “They had eggs.”

  • Kathy Westphal writes:
    May 21st, 20119:18 pmat

    … really got both of us on this one..soooooooooo hilarious….
    Made being in Milwaukee somewhat better….yikes it is nasty here…just plain crappy.
    I am sending this blog to a couple of dozen of friends who I think will GET it.
    Thanks Les….this was one of your best!!!

  • MAry Ann Borman writes:
    May 19th, 201110:42 pmat

    Story great

    Loved the last picture too. Looks like an old sepia toned photo. It gives you the feeling that the boast is so alone waiting for the morning and all it holds to break open around it and change it’s mood.

  • Elin Lawrence writes:
    May 19th, 20117:55 pmat

    I couldn’t stop laughing…so true!

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